Where we are 4.5 years later......

Well, here we are, it’s been almost 4.5 years since we decided to pursue an adoption from Lesotho, Africa.  The journey I believed would draw me closer to God has left me at times angry with him, questioning him more than I ever have before. Did you not call us to this? Was I wrong? Why are you not helping these children? Soo many questions…. Our family poured our hearts into this. I opened up in ways that were incredibly vulnerable.  If you know me, you would know I have a really hard time asking for help of any kind. 4 and half years ago we were in no financial position to adopt but we reached out, as many adoptive families do, and asked for donations. I still fight guilt with this every day. People donating their hard earned money with intentions of giving a child a better life. All those donations along with our savings were used to get us to this stage, the stage of waiting for a referral (a match with a child) and here we sit with nothing to show for it. We went into this thinking it could be a few years but here we are over 4 years in, with no hope in sight. So many people still ask us for updates, how it is going and where we are in the process. There just isn’t much to update. Our  adoption updates from our agency (the only adoption agency in the country that works with Lesotho) have gone from monthly to bi-annual to annual updates. I actually don’t even remember the last time we received an update. They are continually working to improve the adoption process in Lesotho but there are very, very few adoptions moving through. These poor children truly are STUCK.

Nate and I haven’t made any decisions yet as to whether to keep waiting or walk away and as much as I have made this about our journey and our wait….it is not about us. If you have followed our journey or have been curious where we are in the process, this is it, this is where we are. We ask that you not pray for us but that you pray for these children, each and every one of them, not just from Lesotho , but around the world that are spending their childhoods in orphanages or in foster care moving from one home to another.

you would cry too

these are cards we got from our nieces and nephew,for their "new cousin". i can't help but cry every time i look at them.love.those.kids!!

mothers day:legacy

i want to leave a legacy
how will they remember me?
did i choose to love? did i point to you enough
to make a mark on things?
i want to leave an offering
a child of mercy and grace who
blessed your name unapologetically

(lyrics by nichole nordeman:legacy)

i was brought to a bucket of tears on mother' day. as nichole nordeman sang these lyrics, my heart ached at the thought of the legacy i want to leave for my child, my children.

"but momma i want to ride on daddy's shoulders, NOT yours!"
i love him, even when he chooses daddy instead of mommy.

it's here

So excited about what arrived in the mail today! This "proclaimer" ( a gift that was provided to us through the sharing of our adoption story) will be traveling with us to Lesotho. It is a solar powered device that contains a digital recording of the new testament in Sesotho, the native language of those who live in Lesotho, Africa. It's pretty awesome to see God moving through our adoption in ways we never imagined!!

Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ. Romans 10:17

because sometimes, and only sometimes, i like to be THAT mom

makai will be staying a week with my parents while we attend the christian alliance for orphans summit back home, at our church. i realllly don't like being away from my boy for that long, so i decided i wanted to do something special for him while he is at papa & nini's house. every day he will have a little brown lunch bag to open, with a special activity for the day inside. i got the idea, similar to this, here. a lot of these things we already owned so it was pretty simple to pull together. i did ask nate to grab some flower seeds for the "planting day" while he was out. he brought home tomatoes and peppers and since i didn't think my parents want fruits and veggies growing in the fields behind their house, i will have to make a stop for those soon.